Many of us claim to cherish honesty, but the truth is we regularly engage in various forms of dishonesty.
On average, according to research, we will tell lies (including white lies!) approximately every half-hour during conversations. These lies are often not deliberate as we’ve developed patterns of concealing or altering our genuine inner feelings – both to others and ourselves – and this lack of honesty can undermine our relationships.
Here are some of the most common forms of deception.
Which ones do you find yourself engaging in (I invite you to email me and let me know!)?
- Saying ‘yes’ when you don’t really mean it
- Making excuses when confronted with a situation in which you actually do share some responsibility
- Avoiding mentioning things that might ‘upset’ someone
- Masking your vulnerability with tightness, defensiveness, anger, or intellectual arguments
- Not saying ‘no’ directly
- Pretending certainty or expertise when you don’t really know or inflating your accomplishments
- Not letting others know what you truly think, feel or want
- When disagreeing, failing to acknowledge what is valid in the other’s position
- Avoiding or withdrawing from conflicts that you know need to be worked through
- Complaining about someone to others rather than going to them directly
- Not fully keeping agreements; that is not impeccably doing what we said we would do when we said we would do it
- Exaggerating, withholding, or distorting the facts to ‘win your point’
- Not being transparent about your real motivation or agendas
- Using substances, overwork, the internet, or other addictive behaviour to avoid dealing with what you feel
This can also be an excellent subject of discussion with a friend or loved one as it calls for your and their honesty, which helps deepen your connection. As I say let me know how it goes!
Becca Williams is an emotions therapist and clinician who helps people free themselves from emotional burdens, trauma, and limiting self-beliefs to live more fulfilling lives.
