Manuel Reis De Sousa is a counsellor specialising in gay couples therapy. He is also a senior flight attendant for a worldwide airline company and a disciplined champion swimmer. All of this, along with the other most important thing in his life, his 11-year-old Vizsla dog, Phoenix, keeps him very busy.
Manuel was born in Hamburg, Germany, in 1972 to Portuguese parents. His father was a construction worker, and his mother an assembly line operator. Throughout his early childhood, Manuel, the youngest of five and the only child born in Germany, was handed back and forth between his working parents and hired carers. “I lived in a family where showing emotions was criticised, crying was a weakness and saying you loved one another was forbidden,” he recalls. “At seven, I started to realise that I was gay and that fitting into this world would be tough.”
Manuel grew up bilingual, with Portuguese spoken at home and German elsewhere. “I muddled through school as one of the odd kids who didn’t quite belong,” he remembers.
At his parents’ insistence, due to financial struggles, Manuel left school at 15 to work. Yearning to continue his studies, he convinced his father to allow him to return to education three years later. Disagreements escalated between them and, after a falling out, Manuel left home determined to continue learning. He shared a bedsit with a friend, attended college and worked long hours in a bar. “I asked for nothing from my family and completed my studies.”
A few years later, after several temporary jobs, Manuel was suddenly hit with depression. “It was a low point in my life, and I took drugs and mixed with people who had lost their way,” he recounts. “One night at a party, I witnessed the horrors and desperation in their eyes and decided to quit that world.”
With new motivation, Manuel acquired an office job in Hamburg. During his spare time, he swam in the local pool, realised he was adept at it and knew his goal was to be a champion one day. “Without encouragement and self-belief, I didn’t then pursue the dream,” he recounts. Instead, at age 25, he applied for a job as a flight attendant for an airline company based in Frankfurt. “I had no money to buy a suit for the interview, so I was amazed when I was informed I had got the job!”
Just before his airline training began, Manuel’s family discovered that he was gay, resulting in a 25-year estrangement from his father and brothers. “The shock of being abandoned by some of my close relatives tested my resilience, and it was difficult to concentrate on my new career,” he remembers sadly.
Working as a dependable flight attendant for 27 years has been a constant in Manuel’s life. His dedication, clear-headedness and good communication skills led to his promotion to chief purser. In this position, he manages cabin crew and is responsible for passenger safety and comfort. “I also deal with administration tasks and conduct announcements on the PA system,” he explains. “I update pilots of any information from the cabin and handle any unruly or ill passengers.”
Flight attendants are subject to criminal record checks, spontaneous drug tests and regular medical examinations. “We are also often tested for mental stability,” he points out. “I lead a team of 20 people who support employees who have suffered trauma or any troubles either at work or at home.
Linked to other large companies, our Critical Incident Safety Management Team’s role is to provide help to those who need it by putting them in touch with psychologists, consultants or therapists.”
In 2012, Manuel studied for a Harvard University training certificate, gaining a qualification to coach airline colleagues who aim for promotion. The following year, he and his partner acquired a puppy, Phoenix, and due to the relationship breakup soon after, he became his full-time dad. “With my career, owning a dog was complicated, and my life became a juggling act.”
Manuel has been committed to sports training throughout his career with the airline company. “I already excelled at swimming and I began running marathons. In 2009, my coach suggested I switch to triathlons. Taking his advice, I competed in the Hessischer league and completed several Ironman races. My disciplined approach to athletics then led me to teach others to build the mindset required to be winners.”
Throughout his coaching experience, Manuel discovered he had an innate ability to help others. Travelling extensively, and meeting and working with many people from diverse backgrounds, has broadened his mind. With his grounded personality and profound understanding of others, he felt compelled to pursue his career as a counsellor. “The natural way forward for me, having experienced some painful relationships myself, was to move into the complex world of gay therapy where I specialise in couples counselling.”
Manuel clarifies that there are substantial differences between gay and heterosexual coaching. “Women are socialised to be in tune and communicative about their emotions, so in straight relationships, the woman will often initiate important partnership conversations. My counselling encourages male gay couples to talk to each other about their feelings, which often goes against their upbringing.
Sometimes, it’s like getting blood out of a stone! Generally, being emotional and crying are considered feminine traits and, therefore, seen as weaknesses, even in the gay world. We have the added complication and stress of existing in a society that is prejudiced against us, and many of us have agonising ‘coming-out’ stories and, consequently, problems with our families. Communication breakdowns can occur in relationships. Since we change with the ebb and flow of life, we must talk to our partners. Counselling encourages couples to be more open and honest with each other.”
Manuel was based in Germany for most of his life but never felt it was his rightful place. “I tried living in several other countries but have always felt unsettled. In 2022, in a moment of, some would say, craziness, I gave up my apartment in Frankfurt, discarded my possessions and drove to the Algarve with Phoenix. I have never looked back. Portugal is now my home,” he declares. “Things seem to fit into place for me here, but then I am Portuguese, after all!”
Shortly after arriving in Portugal two years ago, Manuel, age 50, began swimming with the Clube Aquatico de Silves. Rediscovering his proficiency in the sport and remembering his earlier dream to become a champion, he trained fastidiously. Now representing Silves in the Portuguese Nationals, he is the present regional champion in his age group for 50m butterfly and 100m medley (a combination of four different strokes). Manuel, motivated to continue and improve his swimming technique, is an excellent example of how we can excel at something even if we focus on it later in life.
“For many years, I have been studying Family Constellations Therapy. It is a fascinating principle that aims to help you understand yourself better by revealing and resolving inherited emotional issues due to our family dynamics and history,” he explains. “One of my intentions is to incorporate this therapy into my counselling sessions.”
Manuel, based in Portimão, has many plans. He aims to organise gay retreats in Monchique and start a community group on Skool, a platform similar to Facebook. Despite many challenges, his spirit has remained unbroken. With his unwavering loyalty to Phoenix, his commitment to his flying career, his swimming team and his counselling business, he is a man of stability and integrity.
Manuel can be contacted on mrds72@gmail.com
