Using Humor to Smooth Over Relationship Rough Spots
I’m ticked off. Once again Ron is running late – that is according to my sense of time. “Can you please hurry it up!” I bark. “We’re going to be really late!”
Without missing a beat, Ron quips, “Guess I’m just making sure we’re fashionably late – you know, adding to our mystique!”
We both break out into laughter at his silly reply. Any annoyance I had vanished into thin air as we make our way out, slightly behind (my) schedule. And, once again, I marvel at his ability to diffuse tension with humour.
This skill in relationships can be invaluable as it transforms potentially volatile situations into moments of connection and understanding. At its core, this strategy involves responding to critical or tense remarks not with defensiveness or retaliation, but with a light-hearted comment or joke. Take it from me, this approach can significantly reduce the immediate emotional charge, opening the door to more constructive conversation.
Implementing this skill requires sensitivity and timing. The humour should not be at the expense of the other person›s feelings or the seriousness of the issue. Instead, it should be inclusive, inviting a shared laugh that bridges the gap between the partners.
As you can tell, it involves playful exaggeration, or self-deprecating humour, or witty observations that are relevant to both people. I’m not as good at it as Ron, but now, when I have something to convey, I try to build in a clever remark rather than out-and-out gripping. “You’ve left the dishes again? What are you, auditioning for a role in a science experiment?”
Setting the tone with these lighter exchanges allows us to revisit punctuality or household chores to arrive at solutions so they’re not recurring events. When both partners are committed to this approach, it cultivates an environment of mutual respect and affection, where problems can be addressed in a spirit of collaboration rather than confrontation.
Becca Williams is an emotions therapist and clinician who helps people free themselves from emotional burdens, traumas, and limiting beliefs to live more fulfilling lives.
